понеделник, 27 октомври 2014 г.

My soul mate was right!

Today is an amazing day full with things that I didn't expect to find out. People are saying that everything is happening for a reason. I am continuing with my reasons on my own. I signed for french today, I saw amazing sunset and I spent time with some new people.
I am no longer focused in the past, for me is only the future and since I am someone that is fighting for the things I want I will fight for this. I will do everything for my future.
Because without future there is nothing. Usually we should learn to let go of the past very quickly. I learned how to fix myself four years ago after that tragic incident.
Thanks to everything that happened back then I can say that I have grown up to that part that I don't put anyone too close to me. Maybe that is the problem, but I learned the hard way, and I am still learning. But for me it is not so important how many mistakes I've made, for me it is important not to be the same ones and to take my lesson afterwards. I did, this time I did.
My lesson is don't trust people that are telling you that they love you, because they don't. As soon as they find someone else they will leave you... alone. So don't trust them. 
Don't trust a person who is saying that you are everything for them - because you are not.
The only person you should trust that you are everything for - is yourself. Be true to yourself always.
Maybe you are going to be angry, not at that person, but at yourself, because you've trusted him, you have let yourself to trust, but don't do it anymore. But who am I kidding? I will trust again, because I believe in love. I believe that somewhere there exist, and even now when I am disappointed mostly of myself I still believe. 
You know, honey, I know what I want. But you want someone else. And since I put the end of this thing, I am okay with it. Everyone should live with their decisions. I live with mine every single day. 
People always say that time change things, but the truth is that we choose to change them. Also we fall in love by chance, but we fall out of love by choice. 
My soul mate was right, he was. But I am not going to admit that to him... at least not this month. This year was awesome, and I am not being sarcastic. It was. It still is. 
Because I am free, I found something in myself that no one could take from me. 
This year I made so many dreams to come true, but I was too focused on bullshits that I didn't appreciated the things that I made come true. And I am still making my dreams come true.
Even today. I hope I will do the same tomorrow. 


събота, 25 октомври 2014 г.

If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.

But the thing is that you are not worth writing for. There is just nothing to write about. Nothing unique, nothing so special, nothing much basically. Just one big cliché. And there is nothing I can do about it. Usually I am full of thoughts and ideas that I am running home to write somewhere, but this time it is just one big empty space.
I'm sitting home, after this long day, drinking my lemon tea, feeling better than fine. 
And I have nothing to say about you.. and I am the writer. 
But life is so preprinted, everything is happening in mostly the same way, just the actors are different. I don't believe anymore. I don't believe from sometime and after the last week I think I'll stop this torture, that I keep forcing myself to believe in people, where there is nothing to believe in.
The same people, the same stories, you are trying to be better, to be nice, and you are getting nothing from the opposite side. 
Such a cliche, isn't it?
But this time I'm sure that the fault is not in me. 
Usually I don't give second chances, but here maybe because I'm too stubborn I decided to give more chances, of course I end up again disappointing myself and hurting my pride. 
Something that I could have spared myself the trouble, but I didn't. 
Who am I to say that you are not worth writing for... Let me tell you something, there are different types of people, some come and change your life, some make you feel comfortable and some are just waste of time. The waste of time people can learn a lot from you, but you cannot learn anything from them, because the simple truth is that they have nothing to give. Nothing that you already don't know. They are showing things that you don't want to posses and you would be the happiest person if you never have the same qualities like they do. These are people who are too afraid to dream, too afraid to do anything on their own. And these people always need someone around them so they can suck the ideas out of them, afterwards they are going to say that the ideas were their at first place.
I don't like this type of people. Probably they don't like me too, but I want to be honest.
I know what I want. I've always known what I want. And I don't want to waste my time on people that are not worth wasting time for. I maybe said that you are worth wasting time for, but that is for awhile, it is not something constant. Maybe someone will write a whole book from you, but that is just not me. 


събота, 18 октомври 2014 г.

Само времето ще покаже

Не съм писала от много време... знам, но просто не знам какво да напиша или какво да кажа. Изпаднала съм в паралелна вселена където няма нужда от думи, а от действия и реално започнах да действам, не само да говоря, защото последно време се оповавах май само на думи. На собствените ми думи, че всичко ще е наред, взех решение и да го направя наред, не само да се оповавам, че един ден ще е.
В живота на всички има спадове и възвишения, но ако нямаше, или живота ни беше в една права, това щеше да значи, че сме си отишли, а ние не сме. Аз не съм.
Само показвам признаци на живот с този пост, защото всъщност когато не пиша се оказва, че живея. Как така се оказва би попитал някой, ами нямам време да напиша и едно изречение или нямам идея какво да напиша, от къде да почна, за какво да пиша, и в последствие се отказвам от това да пиша и продължавам да правя това, което съм започнала. 
И може би не е важно какво ще напиша, макар цял живот да смятах, че ако напиша нещо достатъчно истинско някой ще се влюби в мен и ще ме обича, е някой ме заобича и без да съм написала и два реда, някой ме заобича въпреки това. И куп други неща се случиха, които ми показаха отговори, чийто въпроси все още не си бях задавала.
И може би така е трябвало да бъде.
Вече.. не, от много време на сам не съм онова момиче което започна този блог преди 4 години.
Не знам за добро ли е, за лошо ли е...Може би надживях този момент, в който имах нужда от тази Утопия, в която да се крия, и просто спрях да се. Защото няма смисъл да се крием, трябва да живеем.. сега.. докато можем.. докато има смисъл.
Направих много грешки, но и от много неща си взех поука, и точно това ме прави аз.
Нося едно усещане за живот със себе си, защото не искам и докато дишам няма да се предам.
Не знам кога ще седна пак да пиша, дали ще е скоро, дали ще имам какво да споделя, но знам само едно признаците на живот са ми доста показателни и макар понякога да пропускам по - някой друг пулс, и да спирам за малко, това не значи че спирам завинаги. 
Само времето може да покаже много неща, но няма да го чакам, ще си правя каквото на мен ми е кеф, и дори понякога да живея сякаш съм безсмъртна, не искам да се събудя на 80 и да нямам никакви белези, никакви рани и никакви болежки от това, че съм живяла. Искам да имам истории, да има какво да ме топли на старини, искам живот изпълнен с приключения, искам сърцераздирателни истории, такива за които ще плача и ще се смея едновременно и на старини. Искам белези останали от поредната лудория, да, аз не съм безсмъртна, няма и да бъда, но ще живея сякаш съм. Защото осъзнах че само така ще разбера какво е истинското щастие, само така ще разбера какво е да си жив. И как трябва да си живеем живота.