It's always worth it...

At least I think so. I arranged my life in the last weeks. In such way that no one could ever make it the same. I started to follow my dreams, this wasn't the first time that I followed my dreams, but it feels like this. I started grabbing every opportunity as it was my last one. I started running every day and eating healthy food, I also cleared my whole head from accumulate crap from the past year and remembered the objectives that I must achieve.
I did all this things, because I didn't want to think about you, because I have a hole in my chest... but i can not have you next to me. I will find something to complete the hole in my chest, but is so hard to find the right way.
The things are not so bad, I only miss you and there is not a single day without thinking about you. I'd say it's scary, because I miss you, but you don't write me, I even don't want to hear about you, because I am afraid, that I could miss you even more. I feel angry sometimes, because even when we talk I do not know what to say and what should I tell you? So what I am going to tell you anyway?!  I am a person of action, and there is nothing interesting to talk about in Skype, besides that, you never have time for me.

You know i would do everything for you, if I could... But this month I am not feeling like doing anything at all for someone else, because it is time to live my own life. To make things to work, otherwise I don't mind if you decide to write me, or to call me, because I will always find some time for you, because you deserve it, after all you changed me. So is your fault if I am acting strange, or if I am telling some people stuff that I usually wouldn't tell :D But I guess they deserve it! 

In the next couple of months everything will be different so don't be mad at me, I am trying really hard to build my future and to be happy. The more things I learn, the more miserable I am feeling, sometimes I have the feeling that if I was stupid everything would be just perfect. 

But I am not, so I will live with that.

See you soon (hoping for that, you know why!)!

Friday the 13th

I find it very difficult not to think about you, especially when you were such a big part from my life, even though it was for a while.
I find it hard to continue living my life without seeing you every day, but is bearable. I am fine,  it does not matter that sometimes I am hardly living. But I will not deny I was expecting something like that to happen. Because this is me, and I do not see very often pretty things in my life.
To be honest nothing compares to you.. But I do not want to be honest, I cannot tell you everything that goes through my mind. You will think I am crazy.
I have big plans for the future, so I have to forget about you for awhile, but I can't.
This is so hard. And no one knows what is going on, and I wont tell anyone.
I will let them think that I am crazy, I don't mind.
I wont share you with anyone.
I find it hard to talk about you.
I find it hard to think about you/
I even find it hard to talk with you.
Because I miss you,
and this is the part that is making me crazy.

C'est une belle journée

Напоследък започнах да свързвам разни миризми със стари спомени. Едно от най - хубавите ухания за мен е това на шоколада, или когато се пекат сладки, цялата къща ухае на шоколад, канела, карамел, и тези миризми смесени ме карат да затворя очи за малко и да вдишам дълбоко, сякаш на този свят няма нищо по - хубаво от това. Е, освен някой мъжки парфюм, върху някой определен човек.. Но това е нещо друго.
Реших да споделя, кои са любимите ми парфюми и защо ги харесвам:
Последната една година съм използвала няколко видя парфюма, първият за който ще разкажа е La vie est belle на Lancome...

 В този парфюм се влюбих от пръв тестер, както бих казала :D За мое голямо съжаление си останах само с тестера, понеже не успях да го намеря на приемлива цена. Самия парфюм има уникален аромат, който седи в продължение на доста време. На мен лично ми пасва идеално, и мога да го нарека парфюм за специални случай, защото е наистина зашеметяващ.

Следващия парфюм, който ползвам е Little Red Dress от Avon.

Не знам защо но обичам са съчетавам цвета на парфюма с цвета на дрехите, които съм облякла, някаква моя малка странност е. Слагам си от този парфюм когато съм облечена с нещо червено, черно, жълто дори, е не винаги когато съм с тези цветове слагам от този парфюм. Правя си някакви странни асоциации :D За жалост не е толкова траен, както почти всички парфюми на Avon.

Следващия парфюм, който съм преполовила е Acqua di Gioia на Giorgio Armani.

Това е един уникален парфюм, не веднъж са ми казвали, че ухая много приятно, но самия парфюм има един специфичен аромат, доста свеж, сякаш се намираш в тропическа гора след дъжд и слънчевите лъчи се проникват между дърветата. И го препоръчвам с две ръце и два крака!

Попълнението ми от началото на лятото е City Rush от Avon:

Този парфюм е малко по траен от Little Red Dress и според мен ухае на вишни, късните леко хладни часове на лятото, когато разговорите са толкова приятни и лека нотка от уюта на планината. Отлично се сливаше с летните ми разходки из малките улички в центъра на София.

А последната ми придобивка за есента е Flower на Hilfiger.

Самия парфюм мирише на захарен памук, има една сладка не натрапчива миризма, а сладката му лилава опаковка с цвете на капачката го прави да изглежда страшно сладък. 

И това са парфюмите, които в момента ползвам. Ще гледам в следващите години да допълвам колекцията както мога. ^^

A letter to someone...

Hello...

I thought a lot before I started to write this letter. I have no idea what I want to say to you, but who knows. Maybe in the end of the letter something will make sense. If I could write you a letter in your language, I would, definitely.

All my life I have seen things that many people have never seen or experienced. Perhaps because of that I’m a different type of person and I think you know that. Also, I have never written a letter to someone, not this type of letter. You are the first person that knows me, before I've told you anything about me and that’s why sometimes I didn't know how to act or what to say. To be honest, this is the first time in my life that I don’t know what to say, and I haven’t prepared an answer in the beginning. Just because you are not predictable. Not at all. And I am used to people that I can predict.

I don’t know. Maybe is the fact that you remind me of me. And you do. At the beginning I was thinking that we don’t have anything in common, but after we spend so much time together, I've come to realize that we actually do. And I was so confused over that, because even when you don’t understand yourself, I can understand you… I don’t know why… I just do. And that is the strangest thing.

Moreover, yes, I miss you. I explain that to myself with the fact that we are friends. Or at least I think so. For couple of years I have been thinking of myself like a limited collection of something, but after I met you, I started to think that you are limited too. You are the type of person that shows to others something that you are not, and when you showed me a part of the other side of you.. well I was surprised that you are a completely different type of person. Not in a bad way. Though, I kind of already knew that. I guess I kind of get lost in my thoughts and I forgot that I already knew that.

But now that you are away, I have plenty of time to think about things. You actually changed me; well I guess that is the funniest thing. I was so convinced that no one can change me. But you did a great job, you changed me in a positive way, I guess.

Every time when I have to say “goodbye” to someone, I’m so cautious, because I don’t want to say something wrong or to do something that is not appropriate. I also had a rule to not get attached to someone that I could lose. That’s why in most of the cases I end up not saying anything at all. Because I think “Should I say that, or not?!”, and by the time I figure out what I want to say the moment is gone. I didn't want to say something that you will probably understand in the wrong way. The way I see it, everyone gets a miracle. I don’t know for you, but this month… I don’t have words to explain it.

I hope you've found a better place, because you deserve it. And according to Superman dreams save us, dreams lift us up and transform us. I hope you will find everything that you are looking for, and you will never stop fighting for the things that you value the most. As for myself I’m trying to learn how to finish things that I have started. Also, I’m trying to change myself. It’s a cold war, but I’m not giving up. I’m hoping that someday we will meet again; I hope we are still friends then. And I wouldn’t mind if you write me a letter from time to time. [Snow Patrol – Chasing cars]

Have a great year, take a lot of pictures and smile! I’ll make my autumn the best one, also will follow one advice – the best is yet to come!

If you don’t mind, can I write you a letter sometimes?

Yours sincerely,

 The Woman

Thinking about it

Today I realized that I have a serious trust issues. I knew it from a long time, but I have never thought that this can be so serious. But I guess it is.
I have this trust issues from 15 years, or so. I am the best person if you want to share something, but if I want to share something - I just don't do it. I keep so many secrets, that aren't mine, but I don't look at this like some kind of burden. I decided to write about this, because today was the day that I realized how many things people don't know about me. And I will probably continue to not telling them what is wrong with me. And apparently this people are thinking that everything is fine with me, and I live in the perfect world, where nothing is bother me, but this is not true. I believe they will never find out about everything.
People can be so predictable...
Today was the day that I realized one more thing, people around me don't care about me, they just want me for a listener, and I refuse to be! I refuse to be someone mental trash can, because I am more than this, and If they don't know me for who I am -  is their problem!
I am done with people that only keeps me next to them, so they can use me, whenever they feel it right. So let's face is - I am better person when I am alone.